The Battle Rages Within
by CherryColaBaby
Summary: Nobody knows of the torture Rory gilmore endures everyday by the angst of her heart... Can she fight back? Or will she submit to the doom that is her past? Chapter 2 Is up!
1. What's Up Lonley

The Battle Rages Within  
  
By CherryColaBaby  
  
Disclaimer: Ummm, who told you I owned Gilmore Girls. Cuz I have this nice little padded room for them......  
  
Rating: umm PG-13, just to be safe, but I don't know, probably just PG  
  
AN: Okay, this is my first time posting here, and my second try, I messed up the formatting. This is a semi songfic, it will have a song between now and flashbacks, to set the mood. Basically, this is what happens when I over listen to Kelly Clarkson, where most of the songs come from. K, well I'll shut up now. Enjoy, and any feedback is welcome! Even flames!  
  
What's Up Lonley?  
  
Rory Gilmore. The girl envied by many. Smart, pretty, loved by more than one. Guys fought for her attention. Almost perfect, or so it seemed. I am, in fact Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, A.K.A Rory. To me life is anything but perfect. I know, I have this great relationship with my mom, an unlimited supply of coffee, virtually any boy I want, wanting more is just selfish. But yet I do. I want this just to stop. I try being strong, figuring out my problems on my own, but I just break down. Every time I am ready to love, I think of the other I am leaving behind, my love is still strong for them. Did I ever really love at all? Why does such a simple concept have to be so confusing, toying with my every emotion, staggering my breath, tear a rip at my heart that grows strong each time? Sometimes I wonder if I can bleed to death of rips and tears wrought by the battles of my heart.   
  
I want to relive this to someone, just to get this off my chest. I could tell Lane, but she would understand; sure we are friends, but she never really noticed how deep this is. I could tell my mom, but I can't worry her, don't want her to make a bigger deal than this is. Actually, I could tell a lot of people, but this isn't there problem, it's mine. I have to fight this on my own, only I can tell who I love. Except all I want to do is go back in time, before this started. I wonder if it was ever better...  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
What's up Lonely   
  
Seems you're my only   
  
Friend who wants to share my pain  
  
Tell me Heartache   
  
What's gonna take for you to  
  
Leave me alone today  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I sighed at the thought of yet another day of Chilton. But this is what I want, isn't it? It was. Before I met Tristan, Paris, and those two little tag-a-longs. Not the most friendly of people. I have no one.  
  
Well, I'm lying. I have my mom, who I would never tell after all she went through to get me here. Lane has enough problems. And as much as I like books, they don't hold all the answers.  
  
The only one I can talk to is Dean. But I don't know anything about Dean! Why am I thinking of him constantly? Maybe he can fill this emptiness I feel... NO! Why is this happening? What is "this"? I'm so confused, I've never felt like this before, maybe I just need someone so bad, I'm inventing it all. Oh, I swear, I must be crazy! 


	2. Close to You

The Battle Rages Within  
  
By CherryColaBaby  
  
Disclaimer: Ummm, who told you I owned Gilmore Girls? Cuz I have this nice little padded room for them......  
  
Rating: umm PG-13, just to be safe, but I don't know, probably just PG  
  
AN: Thanks for my reviews you guys. I'm not going to beg for reviews, but they are nice. And I any feedback is good, I want to improve my writing. By the way, the song is Close To You, by the Carpenters in 1970.  
  
Close To You  
  
Okay, so maybe it wasn't any better. Stupid, stupid person! Why did you ever want any of this? That's the reason any of this ever started! You and your stupid "needs". Great. I'm yelling at my sixteen year old self. I'm going crazy on top of everything else.   
  
But why? What made me want this so much? Must have been lust. Because there is absoulutely no way, no possibility whatsoever that loved Dean. Dean. So many memories. Pretty good ones. Wait. What am I doing? Not Again, please no, not again! I swear, I'm gonna die if I have anymore if this up and down feeling. I remember back when I lived for this kind of high, only to go back down.The way my heart would pound when he glanced my way, the good kind of dizziness when he said my name...  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Why do birds suddenly appear  
  
Every time that you draw near?  
  
Just Like me   
  
They long to be  
  
Close to you  
  
Wooo woooooo  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Oh my... there are no words to explain this! Dean Forrester just kissed me! Right there in the market! What if Taylor saw us? Or Miss Patty? NO! Don't ruin this, oh please don't ruin this! I feel all... giddy. Ewww, did I just use the word "giddy" in a sentence? I'm turning into one of those hopeless romantics on cheesy afternoon soap operas. And I stole cornstarch. Great, I'm a thief and a soap star now. Oh well.  
  
This is so weird. I can't tell my mom. I tell her everything, but somehow, I can't bring myself to tell her this. I don't know why, it's just like some magical love fairy is holding me back. This is surreal, I can't do anything but panic. Why do I panic? It was a nice kiss. 


End file.
